Birthdays are the best! I know I’m a full-grown Lady, and I’m supposed to be over my birthday and want to hide my age…blah, blah, blah. Birthdays are the BEST! Eat what you want! Wear what you want! Let the posts pile up on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Let your phone ring off the hook, and watch that voice mailbox fill up. Be the center of attention for a whole twenty-four hours of the year. Why shouldn’t you be? This is the day you were BORN. That’s no small accomplishment. Without this day however many years ago, the world would be without you and everything you bring to life. No matter how old you are, I say enjoy your day to the fullest, without shame, regret, or modesty. The people that you care about want you to and are happy to revel in it with you! Well, unless you were born in December.
Because December already has a very important birthday: Santa. What? That’s not right? I’m just kidding. Ray Romano was born on December 21st, and we all know just how much everybody loves Raymond.
You know what I’m saying. December is for Christmas! Red and green exploding everywhere the eye can see. Carols fill the air, and the stores can only fill up so fast before shoppers are grabbing at the next greatest gift. There’s no room for you and your silly little birth.
So here are the Lady’s five tips for handling December birthdays for children, adults, pets, and all! They may not have the courage to tell you any of this themselves, so I will gladly speak on their behalf. December babies didn’t get to choose their birthdays, so let’s not punish them for it anymore.
1. Ditch ANYTHING red and green!
Unless that combination is specifically the birthday girl’s all-time favorite, choose any of the other many, many colors in the box. For the wrapping paper, the gift bag, the present itself, the card, and even the envelope for the card. NO red and green! Those colors are paired for one specific occasion, and it isn’t the celebration of Mommy pushing out her screaming and gooey bundle of joy.
2. Go to the birthday party!
Yes, I know that there are many festive holiday events that take place in December. Sleigh rides, tree farms, Santa visits, and so on. I get it. But what choice does he have? Move the date? You, and all the other guests, would think it was weird if the party was in June. You’d think he was just seeking attention instead of trying to avoid a sad Evite filled with broken dreams. Not have a birthday party? Ever? Blasphemy! How about you just skip one event in an entire month of activities and show up to celebrate with bells on…just not silver bells.
3. Don’t punk out on the gift!
Yes, money is tight this time of year, but, again, that’s not the birthday girl’s fault. She got you concert tickets in February, earrings in April, a bike in July, and a gift card in October. She took the time, effort, and expense to think of you, and if you truly care about her, you should want to do the same. If you have to set aside money to do it, so be it. But don’t you dare show up with a lame excuse and a pitiful gift and expect her to understand your explanations of budgets and bills. And don’t tell her that since she’s getting a Christmas gift from you, she doesn’t need a birthday present too. You get nice Christmas presents AND birthday presents…so should she. Period.
4. Make time to call or write!
This one is especially true for people born right on the 25th. Now, I’m not saying to tell the kids to wait by the tree for gifts until after you’ve made your phone call, but you absolutely can and should step away from the holiday hustle to phone your friend. A few moments reprieve is good for you and will make his day more special, as it should be. If you’re not one for phones, then mailing a card, writing an email, posting on Facebook, or even shooting a text are all good alternate options. It’s his one and only day! He can’t help it that Dad was feeling frisky on April 3rd (the date of conception for Christmas babies) and couldn’t keep it in his pants for another couple of weeks. Please, don’t punish the birthday boy for his Dad’s unapologetic libido!
5. Don’t mention Christmas!
A December baby knows what month it is. A December baby knows what happens this month. But, just like you on your birthday, she wants her light to shine brighter than all the other stuff for just this one day. Ask her about her year. Ask her about her party plans. Ask her how she feels about getting older. Center the conversation around her and her alone for this one, important day that marks the worldly entrance of this one, important person.
Happy Birthday to Ray Romano and all December babies!
The Lady, The Man, the girl, the boy, and the baby wish you everything birthday and nothing Christmas!